There comes a time when we feel stagnant...Our lives either seem to just be repeating themselves, or we just feel like were not moving, like time itself stands still. In these moments change starts but its hard to feel, see, know. Nothing can seem to fill what seems to be the void. Even Christians go through it, you want proof well guess who is writing this and why! You feel as thought your alone, but you have friends, that everything you do becomes selfish, yet your doing so much for others. You almost feel that nothing you do matters and its all just worthless.
It takes a lot too get through these dead points of lack of growth, lack of anything almost. Time is infinite as it doesn't exist, yet every moment seems to either not be long enough or too long. You seem to start lacking in relationships, you seem to hit a point where complacency is all but too real.
I know, I'm there now, and its hard. Its hard to really feel, and when you want to feel, and love, and just be there for people, yet life seems so distant and almost ending. As a man I 'm embedded with the need to do something great but not just one thing. No. Instead every achievement must surpass the last. I've hit a point where I want to learn, but not to gain knowledge but more of an understanding. I'm an engineer, or at least going to school to be one and I really cant say on paper I'm a good one. I only have the mind as one, my grades and school work show a lack of any real anything. But I disregard that. I'm successful as a media professional and as a low end web developer. When I have the drive I can do anything and I mean anything. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" (phil 4:13). I also have my own work style. I don't care who you are but I will dress how I want or feel I should, and act how I think I should. I will dress respectfully for any wedding or memorial service I run for respect for the families, but when I'm just working, doing menial tasks, or doing real physical work, I will dress how I want. Not to be subordinate or to undermine my bosses. No, on the contrary for me to feel comfortable to do all tasks and to do what they ask Without Hesitation, I need to be able to still be myself. Because who I am is a servant for my God, and that means serving everyone regardless of who they are.
Aside from that back to the real topic. The cycle can be broken. Its not difficult. But it does require patience and forgetfulness. Sometimes we become so obsessed with life. Every aspect of life. It doesn't matter who you are, during these complacent times little things like how you look at that moment bug you, you actually think that your friends would judge you for how you look. Stop thinking now. Your brain is useful, and God did give it to you. But its your thinking thats getting in the way. So stop. Stop wondering how something could be, or should have been or what you should do next. Don't be nervous about what your doing, don't think about what you should say. Just say it.
Life is too short to worry. To worry about possible mistakes you could make. Make them, then use your brain and learn from them. If you want to live and actually develop relationships with people, which is the real reason other people exist...God created Eve for Adam because Adam was lonely. So likewise others exists for others. We exist within communities for a reason, regardless of the big cities which tend to separate people, and force worthless relationships, small towner's tend to be happier in their current situations.
So develop relationships. It might take time but its worth it. Some people might be friends because they feel sorry for you. Its not to say that these people aren't being selfish but take it as a learning experience. Around these people you can make some big mistakes not worry, their doing something out of being selfless, and as such you can learn and even develop a real relationship. By relationship I'm talking mostly about friendships, but friendships come in many different levels. Knowing this can also help with breaking the cycle.
Complacency can come when all your relationships seem to just be stagnant as well. Maybe they are but you don't have to feel its your fault, because relationships are 2 way, sometimes things happen in peoples live, and sometimes they happen simultaneously as others. Don't force anything but you can try to be a good friend to someone else you feel is also struggling with complacency or other problems. Just take them to coffee, lunch, or just find sometime to hangout. Don't be too pushy about it either, sometimes people are really just looking for space, but don't worry if you can't tell just by being around them, just wait. When you try to hang out, if they want space they'll find something to tell you that they need space, but they'll never actually say it directly unless they feel stressed.
Life is just that life, something worth living. Its amazing that through all of the depression I've kept to myself, though all the crap I've kept to myself, to everything that I've felt and kept hidden. All of that would have sent anyone else in my family with the same DNA, into suicide, or into self mutilation, you know its in my blood to be the way I am and to feel how I feel. I have never and will never give in to the temptations to not do my God's work. I am His, my work is His, and as long as He is the I AM I can never do anything to hinder His work.
So by now your probably thinking, how the heck does the cycle break...Well I'm sorry I don't know that fully yet. Instead just offer my advice. Live! Live, its what your meant to do. Jesus died for you so you don't have to worry about the law. Oh yeah and living in the Lord isn't that bad or hindering as you may think. In fact to truly live and be free its the only way, the only way that lasts, that offers hope. Think about it, someone died for you so you could be free...someone died for you...so you could be free. So don't worry, don't think, just live because even after death Christ still lives...so live, its good for you.
